When people fall in love, they are basically in love with the other person’s appearance. It has always been like this since time immemorial that as long as the first impression is good and we like what we see, we won’t examine much further, just trust our eyes. But please think more deeply what appearance represents.

What the eyes can see is just the skin. It is also said in the Buddhist texts that everyone will be grossed out if the eyes can see directly what’s wrapped inside the skin. Nobody likes to see raw flesh, bones, blood, etc. and the skin is just a very thin layer that covers all of these. Is this so-called body something you really want to give your love to? Having observed this way, one really can find no love interest at all in the end.

~ Depicted from "THE HANDBOOK FOR LIFE"S JOURNEY : On The Three Poisons - How to Handle Desire"

Third, do not be too greedy. Most people have a misunderstanding about Buddhism and assume that Buddhism refutes all forms of desire and physical pleasures. This is not the case. The Buddha also acknowledged that, to a certain extent, desire is a driving force. For instance, the fervent wish to study the Buddhist teachings, to become Buddha, and to benefit sentient beings all constitute desire. Without this desire, one would lose the impetus to study the teachings. Thus, on the whole, the Buddha did not oppose desire. The Buddha said: ordinary people cannot do or survive without desire; they drink when they are thirsty and eat when they are hungry. However, when desire becomes excessive, it leads to consequences we do not wish to see — suffering, disappointment, hopelessness, etc.

~ Depicted from THE PAPER TIGER - The Tibetan Buddhist View on Happiness

The preliminary practices have always been the foundation of all practices. Often when hearing the word “foundation,” people tend to think that it means not very advanced and thus not especially important. That is a misunderstanding. As the saying goes, “What can the hair adhere to without the skin?” With respect to the Dharma, the so-called foundational practice is really the root of all practices and hence the most profound.

~ Depicted from Luminous Wisdom Book Series 1

If the purpose of doing a practice is to obtain happiness or to chase away suffering in this life, it is an unwholesome motivation. Although it is better than not having faith in the Buddha’s teachings or being indifferent to cultivating virtue, it does not lead to enlightenment. Thus, practitioners seeking liberation from samsara must not harbor this kind of motivation. It is also stated in the scriptures that such motivation must be given up. So every time we do something good, we should always check our motivation first. For example, when the idea of doing prostrations or liberating animals pops up in our mind, we should ask ourselves why we want to do this. If our motivation is found to be wrong, it must be corrected as quickly as possible.

~ Depicted from THE RIGHT VIEW - The Three Supreme Methods—the ultimate methods of cultivating virtue and training the mind

What we usually like to do is to dump all the responsibilities on the other person—my depression or despair is due to his or her infidelity, when in fact it is our own stubborn attachment that should take the blame.

~ Depicted from "THE HANDBOOK FOR LIFE"S JOURNEY : On The Three Poisons - How to Handle Desire"

For example, there is a psychological condition called compulsive buying disorder. When people become depressed, they develop an obsession with buying to make up for the emptiness they feel. In the end, however, they no longer derive the same satisfaction that came with earlier purchases, and their suffering resumes.

Consequently, a lot of values accumulated over time have come under question. People have started to rethink what happiness is and how a new kind of happiness can be attained.

~ Depicted from THE PAPER TIGER - The Tibetan Buddhist View on Happiness

The existence of ignorance leads to various attachments such as attachment to the outer world, our own bodies, fame, wealth, and so forth. When our desires are not fulfilled, we experience afflictions and suffering. To satisfy their desires, people would even kill, steal, commit sexual misconduct, lie, or commit other misdeeds. All non-virtue arises from attachment, while attachment itself originates from ignorance.

~ Depicted from Luminous Wisdom Book Series 10

As said before, if the purpose of doing something was to satisfy worldly pursuits such as health and longevity, it would be deemed an unwholesome motivation. All the activities done on this premise, whether they are meditation or reciting sutras, are considered just mundane phenomena that do not lead to enlightenment. Patrul Rinpoche had said that absent genuine renunciation and bodhicitta, if one were to do a nine-year retreat and cut off all associations with others to practice the Great Perfection full-time, one would not even sow the seed of liberation, let alone other achievements. How terrible having not generated renunciation and bodhicitta! What use is there for other practices when not even the Great Perfection can sow the seed of liberation? Therefore, making the choice of motivation should never be taken lightly.

~ Depicted from THE RIGHT VIEW - The Three Supreme Methods—the ultimate methods of cultivating virtue and training the mind

The practice to handle desire

To confront desire, there are two practices: 1) of the relative truth; 2) of the ultimate truth.

Practice of the relative truth

There are two methods: contemplation on the impurity of the body and contemplation on impermanence.

1. Contemplation on the impurity of the body

There is quite a selection of teachings on this method in the Theravada tradition, which offer ways to restrain desire. Here is a simple explanation of this practice.

First, calm your mind and then contemplate: The root of all the pain that I feel from a failed relationship is nothing but desire. My desire for the other person makes me suffer; without this desire, I won’t be so heartbroken. It is actually my mind that’s making me suffer. I am the one who hurts me the most, not somebody else.

~ Depicted from "THE HANDBOOK FOR LIFE"S JOURNEY : On The Three Poisons - How to Handle Desire"